every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
