I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
