did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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