I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
