remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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