well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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