Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
