i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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