i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
