I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
