Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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