I just pynch a tree in the face
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
