I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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