i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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