OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
