Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
