dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
