you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
