I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
