finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
