Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
