Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
