Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
