I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
