Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
