apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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