so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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