Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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