what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i will never coherently bang her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
