I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
