Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
