I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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