every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
