I think I won the penis lottery.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
