this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize