You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
