Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
