Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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