Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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