You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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