She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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