You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
