You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
