She said her name was "party"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
