i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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