My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
