I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
