hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
