if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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