Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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