Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
